no flowers
at my wedding there will be no flowers
because for there to be flowers
there would have to be a wedding
in the first place.
i find that i dont mind the idea of that
so much.
it doesnt hurt when plans are cancelled
then rescheduled with someone else.
it doesnt sting when last online
turns from days to weeks to months
because of another fling.
it doesnt burn when they come back
after another split
and lament to me about their troubles.
at my wedding there will be no flowers
because for there to be flowers
there would have to be a wedding
in the first place.
i find that ive begun to allow myself
to mind the idea of that more than i used to.
it doesnt shock me to find that another character
found their sense of self through someone else.
it doesnt ache to feel as if im running out of time.
it doesnt devastate to catch myself longing
for someone i know doesnt exist.
at my wedding there will be no flowers
because for there to be flowers
there would have to be a wedding
in the first place.
to hell with your flowers
to hell with your weddings
to hell with your romance,
and coffee shops,
and soulmates,
and star-crossed lovers
that made me feel empty
when from the start
the universe itself wove me
from the threads of stars
and gave me enough love
to lead a life of my own.
at my funeral there will be no flowers
because for there to be flowers
someone would have to die in the first place.
the only thing dying
is the arson flame in my chest
burning a longing placed by someone else.